Whatever

For the love of God, and all that's good and decent in the world, please don't tell this joke to any UPS driver.

• ECIDT: (Every Customer I Deliver To) Hey, did you hear?
• Me: (ups driver extrordinaire) Hear what?
• ECIDT: UPS bought FedEx.
• Me: <feigning surprise> Wow, really?
• ECIDT: Yeah, they're gonna call it "FedUP! <guffaw, guffaw>
• Me: ...